Transformers Dark of the Moon Review

Bumblebee watching stuff pointlessly explode in Transformers Dark of the Moon

Transformers Dark of the Moon

D

A Review by Frederick Cholowski

Let’s get two things off the chest before we start this review. 1. I do not like Michael Bay films. I have always thought they were loud and stupid. 2. I am one of those people who “doesn’t get” this franchise or how it could appeal to anyone who turns their brain on if not for a brief second well watching. Well now that’s out of the way, Transformers 3 is a stupid movie. It combines stuff going boom with more stuff going boom. It (as the last two did) avoids something called “character development” or “a decent storyline”. I mean do I sound like I’m asking too much. Honestly the average 1 hour TV show dose a better job at these things than Transformers 3 dose in 2 and a half hours. That’s just sad.

Let’s not try to explain the plot because there isn’t much. Basically the evil Decepticons want to take over our planet and recreate their former planet in its place. It’s up to a bunch of army guys, the good robots the Autobots, and Shia LaBeouf (with his model girlfriend of course) to save the world. Wahoo!

Bay blamed the poor screenplay of the last Transformers film on the writers’ strike. So why is the screenplay here even worse? Don’t worry Michael Bay will find something. Maybe Bay should just abandon the whole idea of a screenplay and give us 90 minutes of stuff blowing up. It would be much better than sitting there for two and a half hours listing to all the actors scream at the machines (who PS aren’t listening most of the time guys).

Speaking of actors oh Shia LaBeouf would you please for the love of god stop embarrassing yourself on screen. I mean come on I can’t believe you could have gone lower after your last couple of films. Rosie Huntington-Whiteley is basically the pretty face for Michael Bay’s cameras to exploit. I mean come on every time she walks into a room with men in it they stare at her butt. I mean you gave us a butt shot at the beginning of the film do we have to be told every 5 seconds she has a nice butt? Anyways Frances McDormand dose a very wink wink nudge nudge I’m in a crapy movie performance witch I thought was kind of fun. Lenard Nimoy even appears to be Sentinel Prime and he even utters one of his famous lines from Star Trek 2 Wrath of Kahn “The needs of many out way the needs of few”. I wonder who gave the ok on that one.

The one good thing in this film is the special effects. I didn’t get the chance to see this film in 3D so I don’t know how well that worked, but even in 2D the effects are breathtaking. Michael Bay finally gets the action scenes right so I’m not confused about who’s on whose side. The problem though is that the big set piece is anticlimactic and predictable. I pretty much saw what was coming next at every point of tension (not that I cared enough about the characters to have any sense of tension…). The other problem is by the time it gets to the big action scene the film has gone on for one and a half hours (and that one and a half hours is not good) so I was so tired of the movie by the time it got to the big set piece I didn’t care about anything that was going on.

To put it in simple man's terms Transformers Dark of the Moon is not a good film. That’s putting it lightly, really lightly. It’s one of those films that while may be pretty at points, is never decent enough to make me care. Plus it goes on and on and on and on for 157 minutes. This shouldn’t even warrant 90 minutes mind you 157 minutes of torture. Transformers while not the worst movie in recent memory (Vampires Suck still holds that one) is up there. I think when it’s all said and done Transformers 3 might just be my least favorite movie of the year.